all i ever wanted was a cute ulzzang boyfriend
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>> I, too, need sleep. Preferably for the next week or so because I’ve burnt out now. But here is 1K words in the hour I got before I get to bed so have it.
>> What part are we on now? Got to remember consolidating before mm goodnight
He’s been following the scent of baked goods for a while now, shuffling sleepily along the streets of the market and occasionally bumping into the random passerby, mumbling a careless apology whenever he does. He’s aware that he’s spacing out, his brain feeling like it’s been wrapped multiple times in cotton wool, on the way to a crash after all the coffee and stay-up potions he’s consumed over the course of two days in order to finish his product. There is nothing that he wants to do more than to drop into bed and stay dead for a good few days for a job well done, but halfway home his sluggish brain had roused itself enough to figure out that he should be considerate to his future self and get him some food for when he wakes up, so food it is.
The bakery is up ahead, and trying to get there any faster seems to be a rather difficult task at the moment. Kaito drags his feet along the ground, happily minding his own business and grumbling to himself, which is when something decides to attack him out of the blue, Kaito squawking in fright as it plasters itself to its face, vision filling entirely with white and going down hard as he trips over his own shoelaces.
Seriously, leave a guy alone so he can get his food and get some sleep.
The something turns out to be a note, and he barely registers the familiar cursive on it when the sound of footsteps run up to him, and then Shinichi (here, Kaito supposes that he is too exhausted to the point that he has somehow dropped all formalities where Kudou has turned into Shinichi in his head) is suddenly there, a concerned, worried expression on his face and a large bag of what looks to be groceries in his arms. Kaito glances down at the note with Hakuba’s name on it, and before he can say a thing, Shinichi’s hands are on him, briefly landing on his shoulders before moving to cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing over the thin skin under his eyes, lips pinched into an unhappy line.
“Uh,” Kaito says, because Shinichi’s face is being really close to his right now, and he doesn’t know what to say. “Good morning?”
Shinichi’s hands are comfortably warm on his cheeks, and Kaito chases after his touch instinctively before catching himself when Shinichi lets go of him. He shifts into a more comfortable sitting position on the ground, in no hurry to get up from where he is at the moment if it means having Shinichi being concerned over him as the other digs for his notepad and pen, writing something before tearing the note off and handing it to him.
Are you alright? I’m so sorry.
“Mm,” says Kaito, because why wouldn’t he be? His work is done - for now - and he can sleep. As soon as he gets home. Hopefully he wouldn’t decide that he wants a shower before sleeping. The sun is up, the sky is blue and everything’s pretty good, if he’s a bit slow on taking it all in. “Mm.”
I haven’t seen you around lately. Did something happen? You look terrible.
Shinichi all but thrusts the next note into his face, and Kaito goes a little cross-eyed reading it. “No… just got a little busy and stressed. But it’s okay now. Yeah.” He sort of wishes that Shinichi wouldn’t mention his looking at his worst when the man himself is looking his best. Then again, he is sure that Shinichi will still look dazzlingly pretty even if he’s just crawled out of a ditch.
Shinichi doesn’t look convinced, the tip of his pen pausing over his notepad, but hesitating, clearly unsure of what to write as he takes in Kaito’s messy hair, pale complexion and his rumpled clothes.
Stressed?
“Just some work,” Kaito waves a hand before yawning widely. Shinichi frowns, Kaito grinning easily at his serious expression and getting to his feet. “Nothing big. I’m just… really tired right now, sorry.”
A hand closes around his elbow just as he takes a single step towards the bakery, Shinichi letting go of him immediately when he turns back, the hand instead pressing lightly against his forehead briefly, Kaito’s eyes fluttering close at the contact.
Do you want to drop by my place for some tea? I’ve been told that it helps to relieve stress and promotes better sleep. I can also bring it over instead, if you prefer to head home.
Kaito briefly thinks of his home, and also his nameplate stuck to the front of the gate, and quickly shakes his head. “I can’t possibly trouble you, but thank you for your concern. I’ll be - “
The words die on his lips when Shinichi’s expression turns displeased, and the grip the man has on his wrist tightens slightly. Shinichi doesn’t have a free hand to write with, but Kaito gets the general idea of what he wants to say when Shinichi only continues to stare determinedly at him, a fierce look in his eyes.
“Uh, right. Please. Just let me get breakfast… and I’ll… I’ll go over, okay? Your place is probably closer to here than mine.” Kaito gulps, unsuccessfully trying to free his wrist from Shinichi’s hold. There is no way that he will let Shinichi know where he lives, especially when the nameplate at his place says Kuroba and not Hakuba. “No need to be so, uhm. Aggressive. It’s scary in the morning.”
The grip around his wrist loosens, but Shinichi doesn’t let go, expression softening marginally and still staring at him intently for reasons unknown. More than just slightly flustered now, Kaito yanks on his hand before turning towards the bakery. “Was going to get breakfast,” he explains. “Will you let go now?”
The staring continues for a few seconds more, before Shinichi drops his gaze down to their hands, and finally lets go. Kaito hurries towards the bakery to get himself a few croissants and a large double chocolate chip muffin, and finds Shinichi still waiting for him by the entrance, a quietly thoughtful look on his face. The notepad, when Kaito glances down at it, has a few words written on it and crossed out, which Shinichi quickly pockets when he catches Kaito’s attention on it. Kaito thinks one of the cancelled phrases was I didn’t mean to, and I’m really worried which is rather cute.
“Your place, now?” Kaito says, and yawns in the middle of his sentence again. A nod from Shinichi, and he’s being led off with Shinichi’s arm looped around his. He doesn’t remember if Shinichi has always been acting this familiar with him, or if he’s just being really tired and everything is being weird. Either way, he can’t bring himself to care, and says nothing for the entire trip home.
So our household is like $1k behind on power bills partially because of one tenant not paying his rent (not me this time) but we need to pay it or we’ll all have power cut off soon. I have to throw $100 at paying for my dental this week and more at rent as usual and aaaargh I’m going to be living on boiled pasta fuck
All I can do is say, someone help me with money. I’m so tired of being picks-cigarette-butts-up level broke, it’s grinding down my soul and no amount of taking cute selfies will distract me from being barely able to afford razors or, god forbid, HRT either. Everything’s shit and I guess I’m sitting on the proverbial street corner with a sign here. My paypal’s willybrown93@gmail.com if anyone’s rich and generous or something ergh
Sorry
>> it was ditzy but then got serious and shinichi finally admits he’s an ass
>> kaito is worried that he’s only in love with shinichi as the detective that chases after kid, but his worries are unfounded. unfounded? baseless?
>> now i average 3.7K words in a single day. That’s around 1K in 1.5 h if I don’t get distracted by anything else
>> I think this story also marks my 30th tumblr fic that isn’t a complete story.
>> epicherosauce, latin-geek14 & astriferous-star this is for you. (special thanks to katikin but this isn’t cute and fluffy in any way so I’ll wait for a better opportunity and a happier story). Thank you all for your continued support! 我平时都有留意到 Your likes/reblogs do mean a lot to me, so thank you.
>> (others not mentioned because I think this story isn’t to your taste)
He knows what he is seeing. Some glossy photo of some neurological parasite whose name escapes him right now (and he can’t be bothered to read the italicised fine print at the bottom left corner of it). Something about ants and brain control and people. He uncrosses his legs, crosses them again, then lies the magazine flat against the desk, hoping that a change in posture might perhaps give him his focus back.
Nothing. Not a single word of the article makes it into his brain, and he abandons it in favour of pacing his library, drying sweating palms against his jeans. Anxiety crawls like frantic ants under his skin, and he scratches at the back of his neck, forcing himself to stop before he ends up drawing blood.
Arguments have never sat well with him.
Emotions. Simple, but never straightforward. He can probably point out the segments and bits, singling out every single incident that has led up to the snowballing of this… problem. But to actually do something with it?
Shinichi has no idea on where to start.
Right. Apologies first. Obviously. And then moving on from there. Somehow, he has a feeling that Kaito won’t settle for a simple grovelling from him, so he has to think. Ran would know what to do, and while it is an easy matter of texting her, he doesn’t want to. This is something that he will have to work out, for himself. It would be too easy, getting the answer from her. Kaito deserves more from him, at least.
(He’s come to realise that he would do anything for Kaito, much like the way that he would put himself through hell for Ran. He also realises that it isn’t healthy, but there’s nothing much that he can do about his feelings.)
So… if he were Kaito, how would he want him to apologise? It’s his first time dating a guy, and there’s no rules on what to do. Would getting him a token of apology offend him? Do something special, maybe? Dinner? But Kaito always insists that his food tastes like shite (not that he is any better himself, but moving on), so takeaway instead?
He jumps about a feet into the air when the door to the library slams open, and Kaito strides in, hair sticking up haphazardly and fists balled by his sides. “AND ALSO.”
“U-uh huh?” Shinichi immediately grabs for his abandoned magazine so that he will have something to hide behind, shrinking away when Kaito only stomps closer.
“AND ALSO.” Kaito yells again, louder this time as he slaps a few sheets of computer print-outs against his chest. “I WAS RIGHT. OKAY? I. WAS. RIGHT.”
“I uh… “ Shinichi clutches onto the sheets of paper, and doesn’t dare look away from Kaito for a single moment to read what is on the print-outs. He’s sure Kaito is right, of course. He just doesn’t feel that it’s safe to verify it with his own eyes for now.
“AND. I’m not done.” Kaito plucks the magazine from his hand, and pokes him hard in the chest. “LIKE. I’M SORRY. BUT I’M STILL RIGHT.”
“Of course you are,” Shinichi says placatingly, and immediately realises that it might have been the wrong thing to say when Kaito narrows his eyes. “I’m sorry?”
“Did you say something?” Kaito stands back, folding his arms across his chest. “I didn’t quite catch that. What was that?”
“I’m sorry?” Shinichi repeats, then clears his throat nervously. “I’m sorry. I mean. I really am.”
He nearly wilts under Kaito’s scrutiny, but forces himself to stand still.
“I made a mess of things?”
“You’re still posing it as a question?” An ugly smile twists at Kaito’s lips, and Shinichi hurriedly grabs onto him before he can leave again. “What now?”
“I’m sorry, okay? I - I don’t know, but I’ll try to do less of it.” Thankfully, Kaito doesn’t try to pull away, and panicking, Shinichi babbles at him.
“If you weren’t so much of a detective, none of this would have happened,” Kaito says, and Shinichi immediately draws himself up at the prick of offence.
“I am a detective - “ he quickly changes tact at the gathering of storm clouds on Kaito’s expression. “ - but I’ll try to not let that override my uhhhhh, behaviour?”
“You can’t change what you are,” Kaito says coldly, finally wrestling his hand free from his grip, and lost, Shinichi lets his own fall back limply by his sides. “I know. Mouri-san put up with a lot of this for you. But I’m different. I can’t be - I’m not her.” He runs a hand over his face, body angling away from Shinichi, eyes dark. “I try, but I - can’t. I can’t.”
“Kaito… “
“I don’t want you to change who you are because you’re dating me, but at the same time… “ Kaito drags in a sharp breath, holding a hand up when Shinichi makes to step forward. “I’m not going to say anything like we’re not going to work out, but… I wish I was… more. Before, I thought - “
“Kaito, look - “
“No. Even Hakuba had said so before. That we wouldn’t be good for each other, he said. Not because of who we were, but because of who we are.”
“He’s wrong, then.” Unable to bear the look of pain on Kaito’s face, Shinichi grabs him by the shoulders, not daring to pull him into a hug but holds on fast when Kaito tries to push him away. “I’m sorry that I made you feel this way. It’s… I think you can say that Ran has coddled me a little too much. She is… a formidable woman. Kind, generous, and endlessly giving… but you don’t have to feel that you have to match up to her. I’m dating you, not Ran. And I’m sorry that I hurt you because of my thoughtlessness. I might not be able to change who I am, but I can at least try to be better. I’m sorry I took you for granted, Kaito.”
Silence, and Shinichi loosens his grip on Kaito slightly as the fight drains out of the other boy. “Kaito?”
“…I don’t even know what to say to that.” Kaito’s eyes are suspiciously wet, and Shinichi immediately gathers him close. “Let me go, you gross detective wannabe.”
“Okay,” Shinichi says, and doesn’t let go. “Kaito, I’m sorry.”
“I know. You’ve already said you were.”
“Yes, and I’ll say it as many times as I need to.” Shinichi rests a hand against Kaito’s back. “I’m not very good at being considerate to the people who care for me. And I’m terrible at apologising.”
“It’ll probably happen again.”
“Probably,” Shinichi agrees. “Does it sound like an excuse if I tell you that I’ll try?”
“Hm.” Kaito leans his weight slightly against him, then pulls back, forcing Shinichi to step back from him with a hand on his chest. “I’ll think on it. But… you can consider yourself forgiven for now.”
Solemnly, Shinichi nods. Kaito steps towards the window, a hand coming up to touch his chin as he always does whenever he is thinking.
“Kaito?”
“No. Not now. I still have some things to work through with myself. I’ll… let you know, yeah?” Kaito holds up both hands before him, then all but flees from the library. “Get us some food for dinner, and don’t cook.”
“…Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Shinichi tells the empty library, then jumps when the door slams open once more. He is going to have chips off his wall at this rate.
“AND YOU’RE FORGIVEN,” Kaito yells in through the opening, before the door slams shut once more, and there is the pounding of footsteps going back up the stairs. Shinichi waits until it is all silence once more, and bends to pick up the fallen sheets of paper.
Hakuba must have said something to Kaito last week. Digging out his phone, Shinichi begins to dial in a number.
Whatever he’s said to Kaito to seed doubts in his boyfriend, he will find out. After all, that’s what detective types are for.
Isn’t it?
